Closing a Season

For those of you who haven’t heard, I changed my ticket on Wednesday, deciding to head home Saturday (a week early). I didn’t tell anyone but my parents ahead of time so that I could surprise Naomi, who had planned to return to the Philippines this Tuesday (meaning I would have completely missed her visit had I not returned early). The decision to leave was so last minute, I packed in a rush, and worked at Heritage on Friday wrapping up loose ends. For obvious reasons, I didn’t mention my plans in my post on Friday. After being home a couple days, I did want to take a minute to reflect on the past three months, and their meaning for me. I’m also posting my note to the Ambassador when I left and his reply.

It seems petty to try to say what God has done and accomplished in the past three months. I certainly don’t totally understand it. Sure, I can see how the way I see things has shifted. Watching the news tonight, announcing the release of a report that I helped write and edit on human rights and democracy…listening to the media’s criticism and realizing that I see all of it differently having been on the other side. Those are largely insignificant shifts in the big picture, far different from an eternal view of what I have gained and given while I’ve been in D.C. I don’t think I’ll try and figure it out too much more…some of it is just heart stuff between God and I that I could never articulate anyway. Just another step….

Before I left I tried to share some of my thanks with my co-workers in general, but I also wrote this note to the Ambassador…

(You can attribute the format to a State Dept joke…)

Unclassified

Information Memo to the Ambassador

From: Martha Hamilton

Subject: Time serving IRF Office

Background:

I wanted to take a minute to express to you how immeasurably I appreciate the blessing you have been during my season working with IRF. While it is hard for me to believe it has passed so quickly, I cannot tell you how crucial and impacting this opportunity has been for me.

Looking back to last year when I heard you speak and extend an invitation for interns, I hardly recall anything that was said. Prior to that time, I had never considered an internship in D.C. since I knew I planned to work in ministry outside the U.S. and that work in the USG was not my long-term calling. The only thing I recall about that meeting where you spoke is that it birthed a strong desire in me to work with IRF. In the year that followed, God ordered so many of my steps in ways far beyond my planning and made it explicitly clear it was part of His plan and preparation for me that I spend this season here in D.C.

Obviously, coming into IRF, I had very little knowledge of what to expect. Understanding the overall IRF vision and the IRFA was a far cry from understanding the day-to-day workings of the office. However, I felt instantly welcomed and shepherded into finding my “niche” in IRF’s work. The variety of work I’ve been able to participate in has greatly enriched my knowledge and experience, but actively participating and witnessing the incredible progress in spreading religious freedom that IRF has recently accomplished has been the greatest privilege of all.

More than to thank you generally for this opportunity to work with IRF and for the openness you personally offered me, I would like to thank you for the chance to carry out what I believe will be the most memorable task of this entire internship. As you were preparing to go to Vietnam, there were many preparation steps which took place and in which I participated, from drafting the Circular 175 to finding maps of Vietnam for the briefing book. However, one stood out among them all: the errand of retrieving your repaired shoes. I realize this may sound crazy, but let me at least attempt to explain. When you asked me to run the errand, I took it rather lightly at first as a breather to do a “mindless” task and get out of the office for a few minutes. On my return, I was contemplating the impending trip, its goals and purposes, and began praying for you and the success of the mission in bringing greater religious freedom to Vietnam. I knew that even the opportunity to go negotiate the agreement was miraculous and was praying that the path would be made straight before you. Perhaps somewhat out of context, two verses from the Bible came to mind as I prayed for you… How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, and I have sent you to set free the captives. Suddenly, the significance of carrying the “Ambassador’s” shoes impacted me. In a way, everything that each staff member did to prepare the way for the trip was laying straight the path, but how symbolic a task to be literally bearing the shoes to be worn in bringing good news that would ultimately free captives! I found myself walking down the street toward the State Department in tears. What an absolutely incredible honor to play even the smallest role in opening the door for the Gospel to be freely shared and for our imprisoned brothers and sisters to go free! I wish I could truly communicate to you the impact that day had upon me, but I do know you realize the importance of the authority which you have been given, not only the U.S. Government but also as an Ambassador of Christ, which we all are. Therefore, I want to say thank you for sending me to retrieve your shoes that day. To you, it may seem the smallest and most menial of tasks, but somehow it came to have great importance to me, and no matter how many papers made it to the Secretary of State’s hands having first gone through mine or having had my name on them as the drafter, of all the responsibilities which were handed to me, I will always count as the most important, carrying the Ambassador’s shoes.

Since Information Memo regulations require me to keep this short and I have already rambled, I will stop now. I just wanted to take a minute to attempt to communicate how witnessing your leadership has impacted my life, as I have watched you impact others. You are an incredible example of a man of God, placed in a strategic position, for such a time as this. Even as I leave, part of my heart stays, and you and the IRF office will always be in my prayers are you continue the fight for the most foundational and important of all freedoms.

Here’s the Ambassador’s reply: (he also refers to some research I did for him at the Library of Congress last week)

Martha,

Thank you so much for all the trouble you went to to track down the information on Ockenga's love life. That was really above and beyond the call of duty. I think it's going to add a wonderful romantic element to my message (and perhaps inspire some of my single listeners to fervent prayer in hotel lobbies!) Just as with the information on Judson you compiled, thank you for going the extra mile to research, condense, and type it up it for me in such concise and useful form. The extra detail below gives me some great choices. I especially like the quote on Calvinists in love. You've helped me immensely on this message (as well as numerous other things). It has saved me a lot of time that I would otherwise have to take away from the work on behalf of believers.

Let me also tell you how much I appreciated your note. It really encouraged me, and was a beautiful expression of your thoughts about your time here. I was really touched by your sharing about how the Lord used the trip to pick up my shoes. What a beautiful reflection on the Biblical analogy, and thank you for sharing so openly about your experience and how the Spirit used it. I think most of all, it says a lot about the heart with which you approached your work here. You brought a very mature spiritual outlook and eternal perspective to the challenges we face, and it ministered to me to read your thoughts. They reflect a real servant's heart, and I think that is, indeed (in view of the needs we serve and the privilege of being here), the right perspective. Your note is the best expression of that I have heard in my time here, and embodies the spirit I wish would imbue all that we do in this office. Let me also say, I am very grateful for your kind words about your experience working with me. It means a lot to hear that from you. As you know, the work feels pretty overwhelming a lot of the time. And, of course, I am grateful for your continued prayers.

Keep me posted as the Lord leads you forward. Once again, I admire your heart for Him and your readiness to serve him wherever He leads. You won everyone's respect - especially mine. By the way, I am curious about your web address. Are you a dancer, or is that a figurative reference?

Have a wonderful Easter.

John

Well, I guess that wraps up this blog…until some random urge hits me to start another, we’ll see… the “next step” is largely a question mark… working now on getting a research position at Regent to pay for finishing my Masters next year. Between now and August…we’ll see…

Weekly Reflections

“More time for reflections” never seems to come. A week has flown by… busy with socialization, tourization, and wrapping this up around here. Holly was here Thursday-Tuesday and Katie as here from Sunday-Thursday (this afternoon). It was so awesome to have them each here and I am reminded of how blessed I was to build such close relationships at Asbury that I did not leave them behind when I walked down the aisle in a tent and tassel. Both H & KT are atypical tourists (Holly having done the typical tourist thing and KT not being museumish) so we experimented with other activites..nice for me since I’ve done the typical thing a few times now.

Saturday, Holly and I slept in and then went to the Library of Congress and researched the day away. She is one of very few people who would understand that is my idea of “playing.” It was great fun… Finding random facts like how Washington, D.C. got its name and reading volumes of letters by the founding fathers. Finally the library kicked us out, so we tried a Lebanese restaurant, which wasreally good…and stayed there talking until they kicked us out as well and we migrated to Starbucks.

Sunday, Katie came in morning and was tired so she napped while Holly and I went exploring in Georgetown, the oldest neighborhood around. We found the oldest still-standing house in D.C. (1766) but didn’t see a tour guide etc so we just wandered in and explored until someone came in and was shocked to see we’d “broken in”… I guess it wasn’t open for touring that day, but he let us finish wandering anyway before he kicked us out. That was really cool to see just cause its so old… We then wandered through some old churches and checked out the Ukrainian embassy (Holly’s “ancestry” is Ukrainian)… then we all three went out for Sushi and Asian food with Holly’s aunt and uncle who live around here and work for the State dept. That was fun…getting to know them a little etc.. Then Holly, Katie, and I went clubbing… well, kinda. My church here rents out the largest club in DC (right on the river)once a month to do a candlelight all-worship service…so we went to that which was really good and refreshing.

Monday, Holly and I went very early to the Supreme Court and got in line at 7am to try and get into a case that was about a Federal law on freedom of religion. There was also a case with a woman who’s three daughter’s were murdered by her husband and she’s suing the police for not enforcing a restraining order against him… and, as you might know, all the lawyers and petitioners give a press conferece on the steps of the court after the oral arguments, so I went over and hear their presentations afterwards which was interesting…I felt like a reporter since I was standing right next to the lady and could have asked questions too if I could have come up with any but I didn’t. I didn’t agree with her case anyway, cause it would be a nightmare if any police could be sued over any crime committed by someone against whom there is a restraining order. The Religious freedom case was a very complicated case, and in the 4 hours we waited to get in and read the briefs for the case, our opinions flip-flopped a lot. Then we were told we would only get to see 3 minutes of the case, but at the last minute an opening for “permanent” seats came up and we were able to grab them and stay the rest of the case. It was really neat because it was Chief Justice Rehnquist’s first day back since he announced he had cancer. All the justices were present, therefore, and they all actively participated in the questioning…if you could call it that, since it was so aggressive! I could never argue a case in front of the Supreme Court—it’s incredibly intimidating. Even walking into that courtroom…I get this feeling that I might get struck by lightening if I whisper too loud. It’s incredibly weighty in there. The case was so intense, every time a justice asked a question or one of the lawyers presented an answer, I found myself switching back and forth. I’m just glad I didn’t have to make a judgment because it was not a black and white answer! I was also present on the day of what may have been a historical first…a lady vomiting inside the Supreme Court room. Just an observer who got sick…Bizarre but no lightening strike. Anyways, the case was fascinating, and then we watched their statements afterwards as well but still didn’t come up with any questions the justices hadn’t already asked. The lawyers were absolute messes, absolutely quaking… and I can’t say I blame them! After that kind of aggressive questioning by some of the most powerful people in the nation… I couldn’t put two words together either! Oh, randomly speaking of camera and near-fame encounters, I have a new friend. His name is Ahmed and he’s the head of the largest muslim-american organization in the US so I have no idea how he ended up “taking to me” so quickly…it had to do with some communication we had while I was working on something for the State dept, but now we’re on a first name basis and he keeps calling to ask me random questions about the State Dept—and he didn’t realize I’m an intern of course… anyways, it was funny cause he was on O’Reilly one night after we “chatted” and the next day I ran into him at a conference and he was telling me about all this hate mail he got after going on O’Reilly. Kinda strange friend to make…nice guy so its too bad he’s sold out to a false religion… of course, the organization is very Western and American, it’s Muslim but purposely has no relations overseas with Muslim nations so as to be super careful not to associate with terrorist funding and come under suspicion here in the US…cause then they would have no influence. Just thought I’d mention that randomly. Some of the people I know at Heritage are on O’Reilly and other news shows a lot so I just watch those shows differently now…if that makes sense. Anyways… To continue with my week’s events… after that case, Holly, Katie, and I ate lunch and went to the American History Smithsonian so they could see the Price of Freedom exhibit. I haven’t really gotten tired of it yet…it’s always good to reflect again. So..then we went to the Library of Congress and read until it closed at 9:30pm. That was fun again…and when KT and I tired of reading, we analyzed the ceiling and decorations of the main reading room, which are endlessly breathtaking…so then we went to get a Mexican dinner (I feel like I’ve spent a lot of time eating this week!) and headed home.

Tuesday, I went to Heritage in the morning and Holly came along to meet with the intern coordinator to explore Heritage’s internship opportunities further. I finished up a few projects, and then met the girls for lunch (at a Peruvian restaurant…I hadn’t tried before…I got cerviche and it was good!! The only disappointment was no ricoto relleno or queso helado)… Then Holly departed for her drive home to New York, and Kt and I ended up spending the afternoon talking and then went on a moonlight monument tour, seeing the Jefferson monument, Korean war memorial, WWII memorial, Lincoln Monument, and the White House. Finally, we came back to the house and ate frozen dinners here (fast and cheap =)…

Wednesday was my first day to sleep in all week, and I was exhausted and slept late, got up and did some laundry…it was a VERY dreary rainy day so we avoided long walks… ate Indian for lunch—yum—and went to Ford’s Theatre were Lincoln was shot, saw the museum there, and then toured the house across the street where he actually died. Then we headed to Union Station, and hung out and shopped ( we found the only store that interested either of us was the book store so we spent some time there) and then went and watched Hitch at 5:30p.. Katie hadn’t seen it before and I was happy to see it a second time cause it is definitely a hilarious classic. Afterwards, we came back to the house—stopping to get Cold Stone ice cream to go—and I cooked spaghetti for dinner so we ate here (avoiding the rain) and tried to get reading and work done later last night.

Thursday, this morning I did more laundry and cleaning/organizing and then we grabbed lunch at the California Pizza Kitchen before coming back to get Kt’s stuff and heading to the airport. I dropped her off, and came back… “trying” to get some stuff done but I see it is after 6pm and I have not been very successful. I’m going into Heritage tomorrow morning…

Well, that’s the chronology of my week. Fascinating, I’m sure =) It’s been good to be busy so I haven’t thought too much about where I’m not…the State dept. Deborah had her baby Saturday, as I predicted, so I was excited both to have called it right and because I had told her that while I was praying for the baby I had felt like “Saturday was the day” so it was kinda cool I was right for that reason as well. Healthy and beautiful baby. I’m very happy for her and her husband and I think God is really working in their lives right now to bring them to Him.

While its still strange to think I’ll never be back at the State Dept (that I know of) I still have a sense of completion and wholeness concerning my season there. It fit so perfectly for so many reasons. Well, on to other tasks.

Finality of Change

In the spring of 2005 I did an internship at the State Department. Wow, it sounds so strange to say in past tense…but the quicker I deal with that reality the less emotional I’ll be about the change. Goodbyes were…strange. It’s such different relationships I share with people when “co-worker” truly sets the tone versus the relationships I have built in other settings. I am closer to the others in the office than a “co-worker” and yet not close enough for the goodbye to be un-awkward. They were all very gracious and appreciative, to the point it was downright embarrassing. On the other hand, how do you say goodbye to people with whom you’ve shared camaraderie, stress, and most of all a purpose…knowing you’ll probably never see them again? In that setting emotion seems disallowed, but lack thereof seems awkward. I know, I over-analyze. Turning in my badge and harddrives. Doing the goodbye rounds to the various offices of each co-worker. I started my day after just three hours of sleep last night, anxious I would not complete all my ongoing projects. They went smoother and faster than expected and I was able to get them all done before my computer access was shut off this evening. I returned home in a surreal mode.

Holly, who is visiting this weekend, had planned to beat me home but due to scheduling adjustments, hasn’t arrived yet. Before I left this morning, I left a note for Lisa, reminding her of Holly’s arrival and promising her to keep everything quiet so she would not feel invaded. When I came home to a sealed envelope on my bed my stomach sank. I know she’s been stressed lately, and had a feeling it was only a matter of time before it turned back on me. Evidently upset due to other things going on in her life, it came out at me in a somewhat hostile note saying she had not remembered that Holly was coming and that she felt invaded and wanted quiet this weekend. Adding emotion to emotion, I quickly cleaned the kitchen for her and wrote her a reply note apologizing and promising, again, to keep things quiet. I feel like a placating child with an angry parent.

Well, several hours of have elapsed since I last wrote—Holly arrived, needless to say, and we kept out of the house until a few minutes ago but still beat Lisa home, she arrived a few minutes ago. Blah, sorry that shadow is hanging over my time with Holly now but it is out of my control.

A very full day…more time for reflections later…

Ordered Steps...

Having accumulated a long list of things to do tonight, armed with starbucks coffee I have decided to start at the bottom of the priority list and blog. Partly because it is a “should” and not a “must” and therefore is likely to get dropped should I consider doing it a couple hours from now.

Today was my second-to-last day at the State Department. It was a rather strange day, all in all. When the alarm went off this morning, I rolled over to turn it off and considered the prospect of another 12+ hour day of alternating between the computer and meetings…I reminded myself that after today I only had to do this one more time. Comforted by that knowledge, I promptly fell back asleep and re-awakened to scramble out of bed…now late. I was scheduled to attend a meeting of the Bureau directors today to bid goodbye the “higher ups” so I had to be on time. Skipping breakfast was my worst decision of the day, but it did enable me to reach the office a few minutes early despite my late start. I trudged through the cold into the building, I kept reminding myself one more time…

I barely had time to boot up the email, and I quickly realized I was overwhelmed due to the fact that I spent all day yesterday at a conference on humanitarianism and Islam so I was a day behind in emails…which in the State Dept means a minimum of a 100 to sort through. As I attempted to make a little progress on the emails, the Ambassador came in, handing me another book to read before I leave, to incorporate into the speech I’m writing for him. The book I was already working on was 400 pages long or so and I was on page 200…so the prospect of an additional book and writing the speech made me realize it would be a late night at the office. Contemplating this, I was off to the director’s meeting…where I learned lots of fascinating information I’m not at liberty to share. That’s the one thing that sucks about all the cool info I’m privy to in this job. My goodbye and “future plans” speech prompted the head of one of the office to pull me aside to talk afterwards…I had no idea that he was even interested in Latin America, and came to find out he has taught in universities all over Latin America, including a short spurt in San Marcos in Arequipa and another at the University of Arequipa. He’s in the process of transitioning back out of the State Dept and back to higher education, so needless to say we had a lot to talk about… he even adopted a Peruvian daughter! I only wished we had realized how much interest we shared before now, but we had a good talk before I had to run to the IRF staff mtg. This being my last staff mtg, I tried not to think about that too much. It’s hard to explain but I feel funny because I keep starting to get emotional about leaving but for some reason in this professional environment that isn’t very…expected? I don’t know. I don’t understand it but I have thus far managed to avoid embarrassing myself with tears. I didn’t expect it to be hard, so it has caught me somewhat off guard. Matt has somewhat recovered from his illness and was back in the office today for the first time since returning from Vietnam, so I was glad he got back before I left and I was able to get more details on the trip and his experiences personally.

After staff meeting I threw myself into this speech for the ambassador and with minor other projects coming up, I managed to stay somewhat focused until 4pm when we had an office “Happy Hour” to celebrate my leaving. That’s the tradition in the State Dept, but, of course, it proved slightly complicating that I don’t drink really and they were a little taken aback when I explained I’d rather have juice than beer. Deborah came in for the occasion (she has still not had that baby, true to my predictions) so it was me and the pregnant lady drinking juice. Funny. Anyway, the Ambassador came, which surprised and honored me because I know how busy he is right now, and for the third time, gave a little “appreciation” speech to thank me for my work… for some reason everytime he does that I get emotional…I almost feel a bond with him as I do with the professors I am close to and even though it sounds strange, I am aware how much I will miss that. I will also miss others in the office…and I have felt very appreciated in all the discussions of and with me this past week—though I have often been surprised to hear of the conversations about me that I didn’t know about at the time and also to realize how unusual it was for me to have the opportunity to work on such high-level and demanding projects. I cannot explain it all except to say I am in awe of God’s undeserved favor.

I have so many reflections but perhaps I will hold some for later. I still have to continue work on the speech tonight. I did notice that throughout the day today the one more time turned from a comfort to a sad thought. I must say that it is surreal to me that tomorrow I will turn in my badge and classified harddrive and that door will close behind me forever. There is such finality in the way I will be “locked out” of the building. You know how I struggle with change… and this is a very different one. It was such a snapshot, such a quick season, and yet brought so many changes and opened my eyes in so many ways. As Deborah and I talked tonight, discussing her upcoming birth and reflecting on life in general, I was amazed at the love I feel for her and the hope I have that she has seen some of Christ in me. This week saw a couple very important milestone victories for religious freedom, which I cannot share at this point. Funny how the more good stuff happens the more ignorant ngos and journalists make negative write-ups in the media… and for once I am glad to be on the government side of things when true progress is made. As with every season’s closing, I am aware of the things I will not be here for in the future. Every place I ever leave, there are always upcoming events or tasks which I will not be able to participate in… and the same is true here. The work of the office will go on, there is so much exciting stuff in the future, but my role is finishing. They tease me that if I ever get arrested in working overseas, I should use my one phone-call to reach them so they can help. I responded that I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for their actions to get clearance from the rest of the building. As I type that it occurs to me that despite all I have shared of my work here, you may not “get” the joke of what I say. Like so many “inside” jokes at State, it is sad to me that I finally feel like an insider, and now I am leaving. I’ve noticed another transition. When I came, it was to do an internship. When I arrived, I was an intern. Within just a couple weeks I was striving to completely drop that title and the stigma of novice attached to it. Asked about my work and position, I avoided mentioning the detail that it was an internship, because I took ownership of the work of the IRF office and my role in it. Of course, I always hate demeaning titles anyway… but it is funny to reflect on how I was once proud to be an intern and then finally came to resent the attachment of that title to my name. It is gratifying, of course, to hear co-worker after co-worker tell me that I have done the work of a foreign service officer and not that of an intern… I don’t think I came with expectations of being given equal work, but on the other hand, I think I underestimated how easy it would be to figure out the way the office worked and fit right in… I am left wondering, well, if I had done “intern” work, what would that have been? It matters not, I guess. I did what I was asked to do, I loved it, I learned so much… and wow, I just got to page three of this blog so I better stop. In fact, I just remembered I need to write thank you letters and should do that while I’m in a writing mood. Wait, I also have to write a speech and a school assignment tonight. I guess all my work is writing.
one more time...

Final random find of the day—shared by fellow IRFer Phil: Translation Tool

Ziraleetations

“Governments tend not to solve problems, only to rearrange them.” -Reagan

And you wonder why I run out of things to blog about… Just kidding. It’s only Monday and I’m blogging so… Actually today started and ended very differently. On my way to work I was contemplating how I will only do the home-state dept trek 4 more times. As I trudged through the bitter cold wind, that was not a sad thought at all. The routine of getting up early, commuting over an hour, working late… arriving home exhausted and starting over again… There is a part of me that is very much ready for a break. Throughout the day I became less ready. I almost embarrassed myself by crying at staff mtg when the Ambassador came just to the mtg to present me with a appreciation certificate and said he hadn’t realized I was finishing this week (he’d been out for 2 weeks in Vietnam until today) and that was the worst news he’d received since he’d returned…even worse than the Vietnamese holding up negotiations by refusing to include necessary verbage in the binding agreement. Laughing in disbelief is always better than crying anyway. I can’t say I feel deep emotional bonds with any of my coworkers, but its strange that what has become my territory, my relationships, my responsibilities, my life for even a short period of time, I will now abruptly leave behind, turning in my badge and walking out the door for what will probably be the last time. As my short-lived “political career” draws to a close, I must agree with Reagan on another point: “Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.”

This week really has turned out to be the best week to wrap up the State Dept work for many reasons, one of which being both office directors will be out next week and I would probably find myself rather bored were I to come in. This is also the week we are wrapping up everything related to decisions on actions against/with the CPCs (religious persecution blacklist) for the year which is the area most of my work has stemmed from. I’ve been working on some preparation and research for the Ambassador’s commencement speech at Gordon-Conwell, and today he gave me a book on Adoniram Judson to read (I guess he read it like 20 yrs ago but remembers little) so I can use material from it in drafting the speech. I started it on my way home tonight and couldn’t put it down. It was written in 1957 and I love a good missionary biography so that should be really good. If I don’t finish my work on the speech before Friday, I’ll just continue that until I’m done. Matt is out really really sick this week—he came back from Vietnam with an inner ear infection and the flu- so I’ll be helping cover his responsibilities in all the post-trip Vietnam activity flurry. I also have the process of going through my files and distributing accumulated information to the appropriate staff members. I can’t believe how many materials I have accumulated in just a few months. Crazy.

Did you know there was a country name without any vowels? Kyrgyz. Try pronouncing it. It sounds like something Jim Henson came up with…

Backtracking, I never mentioned much of what I did this weekend…but I didn’t do that much really. Friday I worked pretty late and tried to get to bed early. Saturday I did my all-morning laundry routine and watched While you were Sleeping and reaffirmed my opinion that is one of the all-time best chic-flicks ever. Then I went to Starbux to study, which is the last time I posted since I forgot the files I needed to study. Then I did half my grocery shopping at one store, and came back to the house to study. Sunday, I went to church, of course, and that was really good. Worship was good, and Pastor Mark is doing a series on physics and faith and using a lot of really thought-provoking parallels between the natural and spiritual realms. He did physics as an undergrad student, so he has lots of really fascinating information to integrate. My thought for the week came from the sermon: Right now I don’t feel any sense of motion whatsoever. However, I am spinning at a speed of 1000mph, traveling 67,000 mph through space. I will travel 1.3 million miles today. So are/will you. No wonder I’m so exhausted tonight! Just kidding, but seriously, when was the last time at the end of the day I thought “Whew, the earth made it through another orbit without getting thrown off path.” Ironic how we trust God for the big things and worry about the things that are so little in the perspective of the universe. It sounds so childish, but it still makes me feel really small to try and imagine the size of the universe. On the other hand, it also makes it all the more amazing that His thoughts of me are as the grains of sand…

Back to my ever-so-exciting weekend… after church I went across the street the Postal Museum, which was on my “list to check out” for my time in DC. It was a rather impressive surprise, extensive, well done, and fascinating. I thought it would be all stamps, but there is just one stamp room (which has all the international stamps for like a 100 yrs so that’s pretty cool) and the rest is more about the transportation of the mail, the evolution of the system, the legislation, the stories of accidents and people who’ve died delivering the mail, letters from war… well, sounds boring but it’s not, I really enjoyed it and spent a few hours in there. Then I went to starbux and for real did homework for a couple hours, came back and listened to Central’s Sunday night service on the internet while I did homework, and then had some really good time with God. Speaking of which, I think I’ll wrap this up now cause that sounds more fun.

Yonderations

Well, I can’t believe I’ve dropped so far behind in posting- sorry! I gotta post more cause I’m really ready to be done with the alphabet so I can try a new titling system. I gave up on the design for the blog that liked cause I didn’t want to deal with the technical difficulties, it was easier to create one myself that’s simpler but works.

This was a really weird week. It was my second-to-last full-time week at State. There are management changes that I haven’t totally figured out how they affect me. My supervisor, Deborah, who has been office director since I got here, has gone part time and will go into labor anytime and then she’ll be out the remainder of my time of course. In the meantime, the previous office director, whom I had barely met, came back for a short stint before he heads to Guatemala. Now he’s in charge, but he doesn’t really know how I fit into the dynamic in the office. We also now have a total of three “new guys” that have joined the staff in the past couple weeks. I like them all, they’re all Christians and come from various non-Govnt backgrounds so they have fresh contributions and thoughts. It’s also a lot of work to try and orient them. This week started out slow because David Young, the office director, isn’t accustomed to giving me assignments like Deborah does. Thursday kinda made up for the beginning of the week though, cause it was absolutely insane. An action memo needed to be written and gotten to the Secretary in one day to ask her to speak at a conference for Muslim Americans, and the memo had to include background on the organization, its leaders, and a speech for her to deliver. David Abramson, whose responsibility this would have been, called me and asked me to take it on. In the meantime, David Young decided it would be a good opportunity for one of the new guys, Warren, to learn to do Action Memos for the Secretary, since I have done several and he’s been here a couple months now and hadn’t done anything. He kinda became my “attachment” but it was so confusing cause he thought he was supposed to do it, but had no idea how to do it, and then as we got pressed by time, David didn’t want him involved because he knew I could do it faster, so I felt responsible to make sure it got done but was slowed down by warren the whole time. Everything he did, I had to redo, especially since he’s a journalist and says nothing in lots of words while the Secretary wants all memos to say lots in few words. Anyway, he was very well-intentioned, and I was stretched very thin. At 7pm as I ran up the stairs to the 7^th floor for the 10^th time of the day, I could not help but think it was insane that it takes more than one person’s entire day to move a simple memo into the Secretary’s hands. It got done anyway, but that was pretty much the most insane day I’ve had since I’ve been here. Friday I could breathe a little easier and catch up on the routine stuff that didn’t get done Thursday. Then Friday afternoon I had a meeting with a lot of Church leaders from Colombia. They had come to the States to talk to the US Govnt about their policies in Colombia and try to influence them. It was…well, I don’t know if I can use a positive adjective or not to describe sitting across from a Colombian lady as she looked in my eyes and cried talking about having been displaced from her home and how her family and church have found themselves victims of both sides of the Civil War—the rebels and the Colombian military because their neutrality not taken seriously and ends up incriminating. The meeting was strange in that they spoke openly of their faith being what has sustained them in the midst of the violence and they mission being bringing hope that peace is possible when both sides of the war seem equally evil at times. However, there were several State Dept officials with me, all of whom work on Latin American issues in different divisions, but I think I was the only Christian on the US Govnt side of the table. Their stories reminded me so much of tales I have heard of the situation in Peru in the 1980s…only this is happening now. They weren’t directly opposed to US policy, (we are very involved in Colombia now, partly because of our interests in fighting the drug war, but our involvement spills over) but they had concerns about the way we’re pouring money into the military that is committing atrocities and allowing the paramilitary (the rebels) to “demobilize” and not only go free but receive govnt aid while their victims have no retribution and aren’t eligible for that aid… One man told of his brother’s murder at the hand of paramilitaries, and now the “warrior” responsible for the murder lives across the street from the family, has had no penalties, and receives Govt aid—being paid to give up his weapon basically… the whole situation is screwy and while I understand US policy, I don’t necessarily agree with all of it either. What was strange was that in my heart I saw them as fellow Christians and yet they saw me as someone influencing USG policy with some responsibility for the injustice. I found myself in a position of being responsible to defend US policy, assure them we take their concerns seriously…while somewhat doubting that “we” do… There’s a lot of US foreign policy I would staunchly defend, including most of our actions in the Middle East and Iraq. But somehow when it comes to US policy in Latin America…while I would never incriminate the US as the reason for the region’s problems as many liberal “historians” choose to do… I still never seem to find myself very proud to be am American in that context. So much we could do and don’t, so much we don’t do and should. Ok, my mind is wandering now and I have too many thoughts on this subject to write them out cause I’m sure no one wants to read them anyway…

I’m at Starbucks now. I came to do homework but go here and realized the files I need I forgot to download. I need to get two weeks worth of assignments done since Holly comes in next weekend and I don’t want to be behind.

Xenophilations

It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? –Ronald Reagan

It was the first day of spring, by my definition: warm enough to make it painful to stay inside… I did not want to go to the office this morning. Perhaps it was warm in Bolivia as well. The President resigned. This one lasted 17 months. A record-long length for Bolivia. I guess some countries love the democratic election process so much they drive their officials out of office so they can start over again electing them! Which brings me to my second Reagan quote of the day: “Double, no triple, our troubles, and we’d still be better off than any other people on earth. It is time we recognized that ours was, in truth, a noble cause.” –Reagan

As I was working on a memo to the Secretary on Vietnam today I had a thought… this could get boring. In fact, this is already getting routine. If it weren’t for the actual good coming out of this specific office’s work for religious freedom, I would quickly learn to detest work. I’ve only got two full-time weeks left at the Department and I intend to fully enjoy it. But I do not find myself wishing it were two years left… or more… in fact, while I do not long to leave, I will not long to stay either, I don’t believe. I always thought that if I did not know this wasn’t God’s calling for me, Government work would enthrall me. I do enjoy it, and some aspects I actually can thrive in… but even if it weren’t for God…I would still want more. I guess what I’m saying I realized is I’m glad this is only a season God has called me to. Diplomacy is fun, but long term life-on-the-edge ministry is more fun…. Besides, as evidenced in Bolivia today… Latin America is in a lot more desperate need of well-trained leaders so what could be more exciting than helping train them? I really feel like I’ll leave this season having gained even more preparation for the future than I expected….

Speaking of seasons, it was in the 70s today. It’s supposed to snow tomorrow.

And my final stolen thought for the day….Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. –Reagan

Wistfulations

Nothing particularly eventful to report for the weekend (or Friday really.) the most exciting experience was accidentally stumbling into a no-white people mall and finding myself having racial slurs hissed at me. Ironically, I tend to forget I’m white sometimes, so I looked around to see whom was being referred to, and then realized since I was the only white person in the bustling mall, it had to be me… The lengths I’ll go to in finding an Old Navy…


Church this morning was really good….for me personally anyway. Reminded of what a romantic God I serve… Felt prompted to re-read Hosea and Redeeming Love (Rivers’ fiction bk re-enacting Hosea’s story set in the 1950s)… I don’t think God’s ever prompted me to read a fiction book before. Then I “randomly” found it at the Barnes and Noble on my way home—happening to be about the only Christian fiction bk they had. Re-read Hosea and Redeeming Love this afternoon. One of those days you just can’t help but marvel at God’s patient faithfulness…

Pastor Mark was talking about how life with God always has a level of uncertainty about the future—not knowing exactly where God’s taking you… at the different stages of life. If uncertainty is supposed to be fun and exciting…and it can be…I’ve concluded life is more fun the younger you are. “Settled seasons” where you know or think you know the relationships, place, and ministry in general that God has called you to for the next ten years or more aren’t nearly as exciting as having no idea what you’ll be doing in a year or two…or at least no settled idea as far as knowing the relationships, ministry, and place for sure… Sounds crazy for a planner like me to decide that the uncertainty of the first decades of life is fun… But on the other hand, I have that psychotic side that is so afraid of having my future planned and in a box that I get paranoid that having a general idea is too boring…even if I have no idea the “who”s and little idea of the “where”s or other specifics…


As Third Day puts it on the album I’m currently listening to…

“I find myself just living for today cause I don’t know what tomorrow’s gonna bring… nothing compares to the greatness of knowing you Lord…”


The things you learn in church…

Did you know a group of vultures of called a “committee”?

Vaniloquencations

Hmmm… what did I do today? A lot of little stuff… Saudi Arabia is shaping up that we’re going to “get what we want” out of them so that’s exciting and I’ve been working on drafting and circulating various related papers. Oh, I bailed out of the conference this morning cause I awakened, reread the agenda, and had no stomach to go listen to liberal international organizations talk about bringing peace to Colombia. I had been invited, it was hosted by congressmen on the Hill, but since it didn’t directly relate to IRF issues it wasn’t necessary that I go and I thought it was more important I be at Staff mtg this morning so I skipped it. Tomorrow I have a much more interesting conference on survival strategies of the Communist parties in N Korea, Vietnam, and China.



I did come across something not particularly shocking but equally angering. Yesterday Jesse Jackson introduced SEVEN Constitutional Amendments to congress! Basically the idiot wants to add to the list of human rights: education, healthcare, housing, employment, AND a progressive tax rate among other insane things! It never ceases to amaze me how people can think they know so much better than the writers of our Constitution! Everything he named it would be UNCONSTITUTIONAL for the Govnt to supply, control, or regulate…much less guarantee. The progressive tax rate me especially angry—a human right??!!! It’s already unconstitutional! I’m not worried that his amendments would get passed anytime soon (at least I hope I’m right on that!!) but it’s unbelievable that he would even file them and take up US Govnt resources… and the scariest part is that they all “sound good” so who knows if someday they might have enough support to pass…





Well, Peru finally decided to have a strike I strongly disagree with. According to the news, it’s the largest since the one I was there for last July. I haven’t heard first-hand accounts yet, but Aqp will be a center of the protesting as usual. This time its against the Central America Free Trade Agreement (CAFTA) which the US is trying to push through as an agreement with a lot of the Latin American nations opening the doors for freer trade. In my opinion, it’s the biggest right step the US has taken toward Latin America in a while. Bush has been, understandably, not at all focused on LA… but in part due to Martinez’ election in Florida, there is wider spread support for conservative policies on LA in Congress now. I’ve personally met and discussed the bill with several of the players who’ve been working it for years now. There have been protests all over Latin America—mainly farmers worried America’s subsidized exports will ruin their markets. While I’m obviously 100% against the subsidizing of American farmers, that predication is unlikely considering it is LA who has the cheaper labor and everything to gain under CAFTA. Of all the protests…the one in Peru actually bothers me. Making this about President Toledo, currently the most unpopular president in all of Latin America, turns Peruvians against a good step that a bad president is willing to take. The scariest part is that Uruguay just joined the ranks this week of LA countries with extremely liberal presidents, and with neo-communist Chavez in Venezuela controlling the region because of the oil supply, the odds of the 2006 election being a giant step in the wrong direction for Peru is scarily growing larger. Ok, I’ll stop with the political talk now…

Gotta go write a paper that’s due tomorrow and I haven’t started…

Ultrafidiations

Well, despite trying to use a quick template, my attempt to non-conform my blog to others’ style took forever so I won’t write long tonight.

My attempts to get in to hear the Ten Commandments Cases at the Supreme Court did not quite work out. I was there at 7am (court begins at 10am) but others had camped out all night, so I was right in the middle of the line…and thanks to a few line-skippers, I ended up 2 people from the cut-off that got to actually go in. Oh well. It was still exciting to be there. The worst was that it was SO incredibly freezing cold we all thought we were going to die. After 5 hours of waiting out there, I could hardly walk, and won’t be surprised if I get sick after that experience. I love being in the middle of the action though—unbelievable crowds of protestors. At first just atheists and secularists with obnoxious anti-Christian signs. Then buses of Christians showed up and I was even more embarrassed by some of the “Glory, Hallelujah” sermons they set up soap boxes to deliver. I appreciate their effort though I guess. There were also some Christians out there taking on the atheists in one-on-one arguments that actually did know how to defend the display of the Commandments from a secular perspective. Overall, the atheists were a minority, especially since many Christians came from all over the nation. I felt really bad for those who traveled days and didn’t get in, but they mainly came to make a statement anyway. I thought it was funny the news story say they were “marching” cause I would have called it “huddling” it was so cold! I got to know a trial lawyer from MO, a Republican in town to lobby against TORT reform. I also talked for a while with the chair of the Idaho Keep the Commandments organization. A couple students who just happened to pick this day to visit the court and I talked, and I got a chance to talk to them about the Lord a little, since they were open but not Christians. We were all bonded together by the cold, and left with several more friends than we came with. Even though it was disappointing to be so close to getting in and not make it, I was glad I went afterwards—not during the freezing temperatures. I’ve been unable to get warm ever since and have been shivering even in the heat all day.

Nothing particularly fascinating to report at work. The Ambassador finally got on a plane to Hanoi and we all breathed a sigh of relief. The meetings with the Vietnamese are Friday and Monday so please be praying. Accompanying the Ambassador is Matt, whom I’ve been working with a lot on Vietnam issues…Matt is a great guy but not a believer…and I have really felt strongly that the Lord is going to work on him during this trip—possibly through the Ambassador… but I’ve been praying for that. Matt is the super-star student type…two Masters and a PhD by the time he was 25 etc..… traveled and worked all over the world studying unbelievably complicated science stuff and ultimately came to DC where he’s excelling at the IRF office—seems to have accomplished more on the countries he’s assigned to in his short months of handling them than his predecessors did in years. He’s 30ish and getting married shortly to a long-time fiancé who has followed him around the world…but he seems to have just never pursued personal religious convictions of any kind. He’s the perfect candidate for God to do something really cool in and through… I’ve been trying to take every opportunity when he asks me about myself and my life to share a little of my testimony with him. Anyways, I just really believe that in the midst of everything God does in Vietnam, God has his eye on Matt’s heart as well….

Well, I have another conference in the morning and need to get some stuff done. Hasta luego…

Thinkations

Well, today was my split day so I started out at Heritage and worked on some of the entries for the Index of Economic Freedom. Then I helped host a mtg of various conservative people inside the beltway that work on Latin American issues—lots of state dept people and others from various think tanks, congressional staffers etc… It was fascinating and stimulating. I was wowed by the knowledge of these guys who’ve been around forever. The discussions centered around current crisis in LA, upcoming elections and contenders in various countries, US policy on Venezuela etc… I felt so behind in terms of knowledge—I can’t even name every current president much less the past 10 in any given LA country! I loved it though, watching the debates fly back and forth and voices get raised…lots of opinionated and passionate people discussing topics I find intensely interesting. I took lots of “look this person up” or “find out what this is about” type notes since I periodically found myself lost. It was fun though and 2 hours very well-spent—I learned a ton!

Then I came back to State== the Ambassador decided at 5am to postpone his trip by a day cause he hadn’t gotten done everything he’d plannedto do before leaving. I stuck around to do last minute stuff until about 8pm.

I’m very excited about tomorrow. I just realized today that tomorrow is the Supreme Court oral arguments for the ACLU vs ACLJ case about the Ten commandments being displayed in Ky. I got permission to take the morning off and try to go over and hear the arguments, which are open to the public if its not too crowded to get in. I’d already hoped to get to hear a case argued before the Supreme Court while I’m here, and since this one came up I want jump at the chance to hear such an important argument. Jay Sekulow of the ACLJ is arguing the Ky county judges’ case defending the display of the Ten commandments from the attack of the ACLU. I printed out and read up on the briefings a little (a couple hundred pages all together) so I know what’s going on in the case. This is there one short chance to make an argument before the court. Actually, the Supreme Court only hears oral arguments a few days out of the year between Oct-April so its rare to get to hear them anyway. Even getting to see them will be a really big deal.

Random moments today that made me laugh….

At Heritage I overheard a new dad announcing his daughters is named Reagan. Only at Heritage.

At the mtg today one of the guys was lamenting the US’ soft stance on China and said, “We have too many panda huggers at the State Dept”…

In the mtg someone announced there was an opening for a position in Caracas. I thought about looking into it for a minute until he added that body armor was included…